On Your Feet!

Don't take it sitting down!

Inspired by Anna's post on IKEA Hackers, I decided to make myself a reasonably economical standing desk. Not, perhaps, as economical as Anna's, but still a heck of a lot more affordable than most of the options out there. The Anna in the IKEA hacker post is not to be confused with my own ten-year-old Anna, who is, don't get me wrong, brilliant and creative, but has not yet to my knowledge invented an item of furniture of any kind. Give her time, for crissakes, she's only ten. Sheesh.

I used my existing desk as a base, though I'll probably replace it with another Vika Amon 23.5" x 45" tabletop ($19.99) and four of IKEA's $3.50 table legs. It'll look a little more uniform, and anyway, my old desk is a cracked and peeling piece of crap.

So the thinking here is that I spend most of my waking time sitting at the computer, which is a polite way of saying that I spend most of my waking time sitting on my ass. I've read a few articles about what a bad idea this is, and it only makes sense, doesn't it? Standing at the new desk, I tend not to stand still; I shift my weight from foot to foot, idly lift a knee to stretch one leg behind me, march in place, dance around a little bit, in a fidgety way. It's about four hours a day - quite a bit more on weekends (this is my home workstation) which was spent in almost total inactivity, now spent in light activity.

So here's what I used to make my desk:

1 - cheap ass cracking peeling piece of crap old desk - $0.00, tax included
1 - Vika Amon 23.5" x 45" tabletop in black finish - $19.99 plus tax
1 - 4-pack 8" Capita legs - $14.00 plus tax
1 - Ekby Jarpen shelf - $9.99 plus tax
2 - Ekby Tore brackets - $5.00 each, $10.00 plus tax

Note that the shelf and brackets do not include screws, which is kind of weird for IKEA, who usually provide not only the hardware required, but many of the actual tools needed for assembly. Fortunately, I have a pathological inability ever to throw away anything that looks as if it might possibly be useful in the future, with the result that I was quickly able to get my hands on the screws needed to assemble my shelf without ever leaving my house (again - IKEA is in Round Rock, or possibly Houston). There's a lesson in that somewhere, but it probably isn't a very good one.

So that's $54 to convert my desk from sitting to standing. Once I add another Vika Amon tabletop and the Curry legs, the total will ratchet up to a whopping $88. Not really too shabby!

I did also spring an additional $30 for a barstool at Wal-Mart (I'm sorry, I realize that I've just contaminated this post beyond all hope of usefulness to anyone) so that Anna (my ten-year-old, not Anna from IKEA Hackers) could still use the computer. She's short, I'm sorry to say, but she's doing her best to amend that fault as fast as she can, eating all her vegetables, etc.

And speaking of height differential, here are a few notes on the finished size of the standing desk. The keyboard/mousing surface is 38" high, which works perfectly for me at 5'5" tall. If you need a lower desk, the Capita legs are also available in 4" and 6" heights, for a slightly lower price. If you need a taller desk, you can buy bed risers/bed lifts, which can add another 4-8" to the length of the legs, for around ten bucks.

A couple of additional notes:

1. I live about one mile from the Congress Avenue bridge, and I have never witnessed the famous bat emergence, which takes place every evening at some unspecified time determined only by the caprice of a million winged rodents. Or not. Maybe they're not hungry. However, in two trips to IKEA last week, one to scope out available materials and one actually to make the purchase, I TWICE saw a colony of bats emerge from underneath I-35 in long, smoky coils. Beautiful! A coworker of mine, who lives in Round Rock, said, "Oh yeah, we call those the 'white-trash' bats. They don't even go south for the winter." And apparently, they are not too proud to show themselves to passing motorists, while hordes of spectators along the Congress Avenue bridge, or even on bat-watching riverboat cruises, every single evening from March through October, may well go home disappointed. Fucking hipster bats.

2. My feet are KILLING me, especially the heels. From what I read online, this is perfectly normal and nothing to be alarmed about. Once my feet and I come to an understanding about who is responsible for standing and who is responsible for being stood upon, I plan to convert my desk at work as well. This would necessarily mean no more wearing high heels to the office (sigh).

I have a couple of different options for this:

a. Go to the doctor's office. Get a note that says I need a standing desk. Wait around in the waiting room (on my ass, incidentally) for an indefinite amount of time, and fork over a $20 copay. Work pays for whatever the actual desk costs, probably a lot.

b. Go to IKEA. Buy the super-cheap white VIKA Amon tabletop, 4 Capita legs, and an Ekby shelf and brackets. Total cost: about $40.

For the time being, I'm about ready to offer sexual favors in exchange for a good foot rub. Or I could get a pedicure at River Salon and Spa for $20, which is probably a better deal, because it includes getting my toenails done.

Scrooge Says

It's about that time of year again, where I get to bitch about how people are acting like it's Christmas when it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. Can you wait?? Can you wait a few lousy weeks??? Because, the thing is, I went to some serious trouble last April to take my Christmas lights down. I'd really like to wait as long as possible to put them up again.

Nonetheless, it is beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, inasmuch as I had to bring in all the plants today in anticipation of the first possible killing frost tonight.

There are kind of a lot of plants.

These are just the ones I put in that end of the living room. There's another big plant at the other side, two hanging plants in the kitchen, several more in the utility room, and sheets draped over the ones that live outside - much to the crazed befuddlement of the cats, I might add, who don't seem to know if they're supposed to pounce, sit on the sheets, crawl underneath, or just yarf on the kitchen table. This is going to be a long winter.

Walgreen's is all decked out with Christmas stuff today. I may stop shopping there. I go solely for primping supplies, but they've phased out the cheapo brands of makeup, and now only carry such big names as Revlon, Maybelline, Cover Girl, L'Oreal, and Almay. I myself am partial to NYC, which they have now stopped carrying. NYC has perfectly good mascara that you can get for $1.99. Maybelline wants twelve bucks for the stuff. Is there a difference? Not as far as I can tell. It's black goo you smear on your eyelashes; why drop a lot of money on it?

Especially when you consider that, back when I was in college, mascara came in all kinds of fun colors like hot pink, electric blue, navy, teal green, and purple. Do you see what this means? You could actually color-coordinate your eyelashes to your outfit. How cool is that?? And none of it ever cost more than a buck-fifty, either. Nowadays it comes in four shades: brown, brown-black, black, and very black. And it costs a fortune.

They have also, I don't mean to gripe too much but this is really a serious problem here in my world, discontinued my shade of powder makeup base at Cover Girl. They have Ivory, which is too pale. They have Classic Ivory, which is dark enough but has no pink in it. They have Creamy Natural, which has pink tones, but is too dark. And they have Natural Ivory, which is exactly right. Guess which one they discontinued?

Before anybody starts complaining about the female problems enumerated in this post, I'd like to point out that Bill Gates paid me a particularly rough visit this week and I have plenty of choice things to say on the subject, and you know what? I haven't.

Not going on about intensely personal feminine problems on my blog: there's my gift to you. Merry Christmas!

Things of Value

Only imagine what mankind could accomplish if the energy spent on bureaucracy could be harnessed for good.

A friend and former coworker has now spent almost two full weeks trying to get approval on a single line item from his travel expense report. He's seeking reimbursement for his mileage on the return trip from the airport to his home. They only want to reimburse him for mileage from the airport to the office, which is several miles closer; but his flight arrived late in the evening after work hours.

The disputed amount is $12.32. The number of man-hours my friend has put into researching, documenting, defending, justifying, explaining, and negotiating this claim would get a small start-up company off the ground.

You might wonder why he's putting forth so much effort for such a small sum. But look at it from the other side: by continuing to dig in its heels and fight the claim, isn't his employer explicitly stating that the two weeks of work he would otherwise have gotten done by now is worth less than $12.32? Of course, you can't put a dollar figure on employee morale.

For what it's worth, his trip was to Lubbock.

Too Much Money

One of the cool things about living in Travis Heights is that Robert Redford shows up in your mailbox and tries to sell you $55,000 vintage motorcycles.

No, really!

I hope somebody does buy this stuff, otherwise it's kind of sad for Robert Redford to have given up a successful film career (well - if you don't count 'An Indecent Proposal') just to write overwrought copy and look intense on the inside front cover. After all, anybody can do that. Why, even I can write overwrought copy and look intense! See?

I enjoy receiving catalogs full of products whose most spectacular feature is the price tag. I got another one last week, from Calico Corners, who deal largely in upholstery, and who cheerfully list fabrics that cost upwards of $75/yard as if this were no big deal.

And the furniture! How about an ottoman for $632? That's probably more than my car is worth.

On the other hand, if I bought the Indian motorcycle, I wouldn't have to worry about my wheels being outpriced by some frigging footstool anymore. If I can parlay my writing into a successful film career, I'll be able to afford it.

Or maybe I'll just sleep with Robert Redford and become indecently rich.