Chocolate for Breakfast

It's been a few years since I went out for Halloween, but apparently the current rule is that all adult female costumes have to incorporate thigh-high stockings and stiletto heels, whether or not this actually makes sense. Dorothy has a short blue-and-white checked dress with thigh-high white stockings and red stiletto heels. The little Bavarian maid has long blond braids, an off-the-shoulder blouse, a short, laced, ruffled dress, thigh-high stockings with bows at the top, and stiletto heels. The winged-fairy Devil has a short red-and-black dress, thigh-high fishnets and stiletto heels. Raggedy Ann has red yarn hair under a ruffled cap, a short blue dress, thigh-high red-and-white striped stockings, and stiletto-heeled Mary Janes. If you're Priscilla Presley, you can substitute white go-go boots for the stockings; but there was also a SpongeBob Square Pants at last night's party, and the way you could tell is that she had a SpongeBob T-shirt over her short skirt, thigh-high stockings and stiletto heels.

I must have been subconsciously aware of this requirement, but at least mine made contextual sense. My costume was a white button-down Oxford shirt open to the waist with a black lace bustier underneath, a necktie, a briefcase, a short skirt, black fishnet thigh-high stockings and stiletto-heeled black boots: I was a corporate whore.

I brought Katie to the party. She was a football player. In other words, she had pads and a jersey, black paint under her eyes, a helmet and a football tucked under her arm, a short skirt, thigh-high stockings and stiletto heels. Maybe she'll gain more of a sense of context as she gets older.

What I really wanted to be was a 70's roller-disco queen - much more original, in that it has Daisy Dukes with pantyhose and wheels. I had everything I needed for the costume, except the skates. Well, maybe next year.

We met up at the winged-fairy-Devil's house to get ready; and thank goodness we did, because the Devil immediately perceived the need for some judiciously applied glitter to my decolletege, without which I would hardly have been complete. Cheryl's Bitch had been planning to go as a fireman, but couldn't find any pants; so at the last minute, Katie and I found ourselves smearing green makeup all over his well-muscled chest and neck, back, stomach,shoulders, arms, and legs. Now, there's a family activity for you!

Halloween is lots of fun, only you have to watch how much of the spoils you eat for breakfast the next day, or you won't have the legs for it.

Sweet Nothings

The fast approach of Halloween brings candy to mind. Plus Anna just gave me a little bag of M&Ms. I ate the green ones first.

What are your feelings on candy corn? It's one of my favorites, even though - or perhaps because - it's just like eating little candles made with sugar. I've seen candy corn-shaped candles, actually, in a few of those whimsical home-decor catalogs the mail-order gods keep sending me, the kind that cater to people who actually put up different curtains for Christmas, and who buy light-up outdoor resin gooses that come with a different weather-resistant outfit for every imaginable holiday.

I would eat them. The candles, I mean.

The worst kind of candy is probably those little bland taffy ones that come wrapped in orange or black wax paper. Or there are worse candies, but the taffy ones look like they ought to be good, so they're much more disappointing. I bet if you dug through your attic or basement and found a candy bag from your childhood, there would still be a bunch of those left in the bottom. They're the ones you unwrap and eat, reluctantly, after all the other candy is gone; but you can never manage more than one. They taste kind of gross, but mostly it's because your mouth is cemented shut.

Anything chocolate is generally good, although this doesn't include Tootsie Rolls, if those are indeed chocolate. What exactly are those things? I've never figured it out. Not worth the trouble of chewing, in any case. And Three Musketeers are not really chocolate; technically they are members of the air family, along with Cool Whip, cotton candy, and spray insulation. M&Ms are good, especially because they now have blue and red, which they didn't have when I was a kid.

When I was in high school we worked out what effect all the different colors had on you. I don't need to tell you what green does, everybody knows that one. Yellow made you frightened, and orange made you angry. Dark brown made you need to visit the restroom. Hey, we were kids. Besides, that's not nearly as bad as the effect the light brown ones were supposed to have when tossed at my French teacher - if only you could land it in her cleavage from way in the back of the room.

I know that sounds terrible. But she was the only woman I ever knew who could show cleavage in a turtleneck; and besides, her pronunciation was inexcusable.

Last year we were living in an apartment. This year we're in a house on a nice street about two blocks from the elementary school. Better stock up!