Oh, Go Eat a Cow

Happy Birthday, October babies! We had a potluck lunch at work in your honor today. Maybe you weren't there, but I was thinking of you. Well, a couple of you, anyway. I don't know about the rest of you people.

I do not like this new tradition (there's an oxymoron for you) pushed by the panicmonger boss, because what it of course ends up being is a monthly staff meeting, with food that we have to buy and/or cook, scheduled during our lunch hour. We're supposed to have them even on months where there are no birthdays, which is supposed to be more fun, but kind of diminishes the meaning a bit, don't you think?

The panicmonger is a vegetarian, which of course is fine. What is slightly less fine is that she has stated, and appears to be absolutely serious about this, that everyone must bring only vegetarian dishes to these potlucks. Which we have to attend. And sit through her damn demoralizing staff meeting. On our own time. "You can eat meat for lunch 30 days a month," she wrote in an email. "You can be vegetarian for one lunch!"

Almost everybody brought meat today.

The panicmonger was displeased, and she's not above a little sulk. She had forgotten the event and brought her own lunch anyway, so she ate that. One woman had made a casserole with meat, but also thoughtfully prepared a meatless version; and what with that, another couple of vegetarian entrees, salads, and sides, there were plenty of completely meat-free options available anyway. But the panicmonger wouldn't touch anything, and kvetched quite a bit about all the meat there, and how from now on nobody better bring any more. She was joking, but clearly a bit pissed. "When I interview Robbie's replacement," she said, "the first question I'm going to ask is, 'Do you eat meat?'"

"And ask how old they are, and if they're married or have any kids!" I chimed in.

What are you going to do? I had a couple of other thoughts on teamwork in today's meeting, neither one of which seemed to please her very much:

"We put the 'fusion' in 'confusion'!"

and

"You can't spell 'team' without 'meat'!"

I can has new job now?