In Over My Head

The planning is complete. We're driving to Beaumont tomorrow; and that which we've forgotten, that which has fallen through the cracks, and that which will spontaneously go wrong will just have to sort itself out without any further help from me. We're done!

Well, not really. We'll be right there with pages of emergency contact information, backup plans, and Eisenhower-era CB radios in hand to fix whatever needs to be fixed if and when it breaks. Within reason. I hope none of our conference attendees suddenly die of, oh I don't know, malaria? Or perhaps alligator bites. There is not a plan for this.

A barbarian invasion would also catch us off guard.

Yesterday at lunch I went walking with Ernest, who still - amazingly - works in my old department. That poor man! And as we were strolling along the hike-and-bike, a rowing crew on the lake glided rapidly past, a drummer beating time for the oarsmen.

Ernest and I glanced at one another. "Vikings!" we chorused. "RUN!!!"

The only thing left to do is buy a couple of outfits for the conference - all of us on the planning committee dress alike, so that the attendees can spot us easily. So that's on my agenda for today. Button-down shirts and trousers - boring clothes.

With luck, I will return from Beaumont unpillaged.

Hit the Road

Fasten your seatbelts, folks: we're going to Lufkin!

I love having a job where I get to travel. Wander the beautiful Piney Woods of East Texas! Admire the noble mosquito! Dine on the exotic mudbug! Meet friendly locals, some of whom have almost a full complement of teeth!

Actually, I've never been there, and I love roadtrips, so I really am looking forward to it. The week after next, one of the new hires and I are going on a training mission, deep into the swampland near the Louisiana border, to bring our amazing mainframe-based technology to the natives. It'll be great fun. No, I don't hear banjo music off in the distance - why do you ask?

Lufkin may not be a major metropolitan hub, but they do boast an official tourism site. Granted, the home page is dedicated to promoting an event that apparently took place five months ago; or maybe they're planning for next summer, I don't know. Note the "Things to Do" crawl on the left side of the screen. I guess there are six things to do in Lufkin. One of them is watching a video.

In Corpus, my job used to be to look at websites just like this and tell the clients how to give them some pop, some pizzazz, some zing - and, it goes without saying, a Call To Action. Then again, our most successful clients were destinations like Miami and Palm Springs and Hilton Head. We didn't do so well with, say, Waco. That client was never very happy with us. None of the consultants could think of any particular reason anyone might want to go there.

But there are advantages to a less-frequented destination, too. We'll be there the week after Thanksgiving. Think of all the crowd-free Christmas shopping we'll be able to get in! And in the cold season, you know, all the alligators have migrated south for the winter. They're drinking mojitos and eating their fill of perfectly-oiled sunbathers in Miami.

So it's a good thing we'll be safely in Lufkin!