Happy Holidays!

I only say that to piss off Bill "Falafel" O'Reilly.

Do you love the holidays? They're always an exciting time, though they're a homesick time too, at least for me. I miss Christmases at my grandparents' house growing up, quiet and cozy and comfortable. I miss having to slit all the tape with a penknife and carefully remove and refold the wrapping paper for later use. I griped about this as a kid and don't get me wrong, I'd damn well gripe about it if I had to do it now, but I still miss it. I miss the dull gray tinsel icicles that we picked off the tree every year to reuse. (My grandparents came of age during the Great Depression.)

I miss cousins, sharing a room and staying up half the night to see if it would snow, and my cousin Gretchen falling asleep in midsentence. I miss the music - Christmas records played on my grandparents' ginormous stereo console; my dad or my uncle playing the piano. I miss the best holiday food ever, except for the cranberry relish which had a completely uncalled-for amount of orange peel in it. Blech!

No TV. No raised voices. No chaotic free-for-all at the Christmas tree. Just so much love and warmth and belonging and happiness.

But I'm making myself a little sad, and the holidays are a happy time. I love the lights and the decorations and the smell of cinnamon and eggnog and gingerbread and pine needles (though the last tends to set the cats off into an ammonia-fueled peeing frenzy). I even love the cold, within reason - 35 degrees Fahrenheit is about the lowest temperature I'm willing to put up with, and that only if there are sparkling lights and a sense of excitement in the air. It's almost impossible to be excited and cold at the same time.

And starting with Thanksgiving, it all leads up to what is really my favorite night of the whole year, New Years' Eve. I love New Years' Eve! I love dressing up and dancing and drinking champagne and kissing at midnight. I don't do all that resolution crap - partly because I'd break them all, and partly because, come on. I'm perfect already, n'est-ce pas? Well, close enough, Whatever. But I love, love, love the festivity and the sense of new beginnings, new hopes and dreams, and all the mystery and excitement and promise of a whole new year.

So I won't say "Happy Holidays," since some folks get so awfully het up about it. Instead, in honor of our friend Bill O'Reilly, I offer a new holiday greeting: Here's falafel in your eye! Bottoms up, darlings.