Look Out! Teh Internets!

Today at work the head of our internal IT department held a brief presentation on how the Internet is dangerous and why you should avoid it.

I liked the email he sent out announcing the session. My initial impression was that perhaps he was presenting a canned course and quoting from the promotional literature that accompanied it.

During this time of Holiday bliss we often find ourselves somewhat less vigilant when it comes to computer and network security. Unfortunately unscrupulous characters cash in on this period as well. Cyber Criminals don't let technology pass them by. Why should you? Join me in a short info session on Computer security and Network security. These tips will help us maintain a secured computer network environment and may also afford you with helpful techniques to use at home.

We knew we were in for a treat when the department head began by attempting to sign on to the laptop in the conference room, which was already hooked up to the projector. He mis-tabbed and began accidentally typing his system password into the username field, where everyone could see it.

Lesson 1: Don't do that.

Then he had a lot of trouble getting the wireless network to connect, which is nothing new. Every time anyone tries to sign an agency-issued laptop onto the wireless networks, it takes an extremely long time, lots of effort, and eventual help from the one guy in the internal IT department who actually seems to know anything.

Lesson 2: If you can't get online, the spammers can't get you!

Eventually, of course, he got the computer hooked up and began delivering his presentation. I was a little disappointed in that the main reason I signed up for the session was because Coworker-You-Idiot was also signed up, and I planned to be highly amused by the stupid questions he would ask. But he didn't ask any, more's the pity.

There were still a couple of good ones from the peanut gallery:

"What's Paypal exactly?"
"What's that thing, I've heard about it, all the young people are on it these days, 'MySpace' or something like that?"

They are things you should steer clear of, dear reader. Also, you shouldn't put your picture online. Because if anyone steals your identity, then they can look you up and find your picture and trace it to the source and copy and paste it and use it to make a fake driver's license with all your information on it! That's just asking for trouble!

I considered raising my hand and asking why an identity thief would want a fake driver's license with your picture on it, but thought better of it.

There were also the usual tips for setting passwords that are hard to crack. "A good password is one you can't remember!" is the only note my friend Robbie wrote down during the class. And they briefly mentioned cookies, which, I'll tell you right now, are bad.

Now if you'll excuse me, I should probably go dip my iBook in bleach to make sure it doesn't pick up any viruses.