Turn That Frown Upside Down!
Forget Myers-Briggs. There are really only two types of people in the world:
1. People who cheerfully exhort complete strangers to "Smile!"
2. People who fucking HATE that.
It's incredibly presumptuous, isn't it? You're walking along, minding your own business: maybe sad, maybe nursing a broken heart, or just lost in contemplation. You might be running through the entire choral movement from Beethoven's Ninth in your head, or wondering what you'll have for dinner. Perhaps you're PMSing like a rabid wildebeest on angel dust.* And then, out of nowhere, some cheese-ass wanker chirps at you to "Smile!"
(One time I got, "Hey, smile! It can't be that bad!" Ooooooooooooh.)
What's worst is that you - or I, at least - automatically comply. A much more appropriate response would be, "Go fuck yourself!" followed by a good solid whap upside the head. You don't want to encourage these people, after all. But no, some dipshit on the hike-and-bike today caught my eye as he passed (it's always men who do this, have you noticed? - and as a corollary to that, is it ever done to men?) and said, "Hey, you gotta smile!" and I did. Shit.
Next time some cretin pops into your awareness and orders you to "Smile," fight back! Try bursting into tears and sobbing, "My (goldfish/boyfriend/iPod/faith in humanity) just died!" Alternately, bare your teeth and lunge for his jugular. Or make the face I made once the asshole had passed me on the trail and it was too late for him to see it; and if, like me, you don't make the face fast enough, go back and show it to him. Grip his shirtfront to make sure he's paying attention. You might also scream, "I hate you - hate you with the eternal white-hot fire of a thousand suns!" Do something. Negative reinforcement, here, is basically what I'm trying to get across. Maybe you'll convert a Type 1, or failing that, at least kill one of them off. The world needs more Type 2s.
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*Readers may find it inadvisable to speculate which one of these things I was doing today.
posted by Beth @ 6:07 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
So funny you should blog about this. I was just thinking about this very topic today. What's more, I was thinking of a woman at work a few weeks ago who said to me as I was exiting the building exactly what you quoted, "Smile! It can't be that bad!"
Of course it's incredibly annoying and presumptuous, and the irony is I was in a fine mood UNTIL she snorted that comment at me. What makes anyone think they can interpret the facial expression of a complete stranger accurately? What makes anyone think that canned comment is going to do anything but piss them off?
Like you, I concluded just today that the next time it happens I'm going to say what I'm thinking. So funny that we should both be on that topic today.
Oh, that's right, I remember now you told me about that shortly after it happened! Funny you were thinking about the same thing today, but it also blows away my hypothesis that only men do it. Only men have ever done it to me, anyway. Perhaps it's just a (badly) misguided attempt at flirtation.
I think these people really do think they're doing something nice, because they probably always get an automatic, forced polite social smile out of their victims. They mistake that for the real thing, and believe they've actually brightened someone's day. Well-meaning people probably deserve an explanation rather than a murder attempt; but still...
I have to confess, I once dated someone who mentioned in the course of conversation that he will say "Smile!" to strangers, and I couldn't make him understand there was anything wrong with it. He also voted for W. Twice. But I'm better now.
The last person who told me to smile got the middle finger from me. seriously. I hate that shit!!
Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays.
that is my #1 pet peeve. i had a neighbor who lived down the street who used to say it every time he saw me. it literally made me take a new, longer route to school. lol. i never, ever smiled when he told me to, though; i actually gave him the look of death the first time he said it. did it cause him to change his ways, though? no! instead, i saw him a week later talking to a girl outside, and when i passed, he said to the girl, "she don't never smile at me..." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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