On Queue

Having an exposition-heavy cell phone conversation so that the people around you will know how clever, popular, important, well-to-do, busy, and/or (insert adjective here) you are is just SO 90s.

I voted today. Today was actually the first time I've ever waited in any kind of real line to vote: just over one hour from joining the end of the line to walking out of the polling place. The experience lends an interesting new perspective to what, for want of a better term, I will whimsically call the democratic process. Travis Heights, you may know, is a hotbed's hotbed of liberalism; so I suspect the extremely high turnout is to some extent reactionary.

Lots of people's faces fell as they rounded the building and saw how long the line was, but I didn't see anyone leave. One man made a couple of half-hearted passes up and down the length of the line with a posterboard reading Long Lines = No Constitutional Right To Vote! "Some liberal city of freedom, huh?" he called out to us once; but then he wandered away. I almost suspect he'd just lost a bet.

A newcomer, taking his place at the end of the line, called out, "How long have you all been here?" "Oh, about four hours!" called back the guy standing right behind me. The whole line tittered. It's not funny!

Someone was making plans for an indie film. "I don't want to influence your art, but kind of took my lead from something you said," he told his cell phone. "You know that Botticelli painting of St. Sebastian? It's the one with all the arrows. I'd like them to paint you like that. You know - we'd use wires. We'll want to be sure and keep the goats."

I should certainly hope so.

The guy seven or eight people ahead of me had a shirt that stated "I am never wrong." Unfortunately, I wasn't close enough to look over his shoulder when he voted, and determine if that was correct; but I bet he voted for Kinky. After we'd been in line for about twenty minutes ("Like, oh my God! I've been in this line for 40 minutes! I am NOT waiting another 40 minutes!!" exclaimed Miss Exposition behind me to one of her endless string of phone pals), a Fox 7 News van pulled up, leading me to suspect that our precinct might have longer-than-average lines.

Ah, Miss Exposition - my new friend. Not that I've actually met her. But I can tell you that she's going to a funeral Friday for a former sorority sister who was a cheerleading teammate and college classmate, who had just recently graduated from university, who got hit by a car and was thrown 50 feet into an oncoming car; that it's just terribly terribly tragic and all their "sisters" are going to the funeral; that Casey will understand if Miss E.'s mom doesn't go but that she really should; that Miss E. has to take off work from her important marketing job to go to the funeral; that she markets fragrances for women who are (tee-hee!) a bit more matronly than she is; that she has a boyfriend that she doesn't-live-with-but-lives-with (which is the politically correct thing to do for couples before they get married these days, which she knows they will because even though he hasn't "popped the question" yet they talk about it all the time); that they're getting a dog - like a weimarauner, but brown; that she grew up with goldens but they shed everywhere; that she's 24; that she's not normally patient enough to wait in a line this long but she feels it's important to do her civic duty; that she's looking to buy a house but who has the time to look for a house? - that, basically, she's a pretty fucking annoying person I'm really glad I don't know.

Someone asked her at one point what time the polls close. "I don't know, I think, like, four?" she said.

"Four?!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, well, I don't know. Like, ten?"

"At night?!?"

Someone further down in line shouted, "They close at seven!" but not before the guy in front of me turned around and totally busted the expression on my face. Heh heh. Oops.

The next big adventure will come when I try to obtain my two hours' paid time off from work without an "I Voted" sticker. We were told we'd need to show it, but they were all out. Too bad I didn't save mine from last year.