Outward Bound

Tomorrow a coworker and I are going to Laredo for district training. I worked on updating that presentation that was so embarrassing in Wichita Falls and am giving it myself this time.

Last night a thought suddenly struck: At my job in Corpus, if I were traveling Monday to deliver a presentation, I would not be having a weekend. I tried to imagine my coworker calling me up in a panic to tell me I need to come in on Sunday and pull together some more data to get the presentation ready. Yeah, that's not gonna happen...!

Of course, there's not a seven-figure contract dependent on wowing the Laredoans.

There's an internal job posted for a trainer/educator in a different division, and I've been thinking about applying. I should. But my work self-esteem has dropped quite a bit over the past few years. I always used to think of myself as highly competent and thorough; but in Corpus I just couldn't do my job at all. Neither could anyone else who worked there, but still it was really hard to take. Getting written up hurt so badly.

I'm not bad at my current job, but that would take some doing. I'm first and foremost a data entry clerk now. Aside from the friendships and the shenanigans, it's dull as dirt. And my friends sure aren't sticking around.

So I've been looking at this other position, and like every other job in the agency they require a bachelor's degree, which I'm several credits short of (can the defective state employees around me, who are so far on their way to morphing into old Selectrics and Improved Hummers, really be better educated than I am?!), although they'll accept relevant experience as a substitute for the degree on a year-for-year basis. I think I could oonch by. But then that professional self-esteem issue kicks in and tells me there's no way they'd even consider me; or worse yet, I'd do well enough on the application to get an interview and then be exposed as a complete fraud.

Defeatist? Moi?!

It closes on the 15th, so I'd need to hurry, and although the website encourages applicants to submit online, it's common knowledge where I work that online applications arrive in HR completely blank. Maybe somebody should point that out to HR, as they apparently haven't noticed, and remind me not to apply for a job in that division, by the way.

Things to think about on the way to Laredo.