What Women Want

Katie bought me a doll at Goodwill for $3. It's supposed to be "the perfect man," and if you squeeze his hand, he says things like,

"Want to go to the mall? I feel like shopping."

and

"Let's just cuddle tonight."

But I already have gay friends.

Actually, the things he says cause me some doubt as to whether I am a normal woman. Wait. I'm not supposed to want sex?? I'm supposed to think the mall is a good place?!?

The doll also says a few things about helping out with the housework, which we all know is still the rightful domain of women, no matter how liberated we liked to think we'd become. Sure, we can break the glass ceiling, and gain the respect and admiration of our peers, and support our families, and wield influence in the workplace, but by God, it's still our job to scrub behind the toilet. Unless we make enough money to pay some other woman to come in and do it for us.

But I suspect I am a normal woman after all (well - relatively speaking). And I bet if I designed a "perfect man" doll, he wouldn't end up at Goodwill, either. Mine would say things like,

"Oh baby, your (censored censored) makes me so (censored) I just want to (censored censored censored) all over your (censored) until you (censored censored) with (censored censored censored censored) and we (censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored). Oh, (censored), baby."

And because he's the perfect man, he'd even volunteer to clean the whipped cream off the ceiling fan afterwards.