Say Cheese

Everybody at the campus where I work has to get new badge pictures taken this week. They're installing new card readers, and have told us that the database used by the new system is not consistent with the old one.

Whatever. I think somebody just couldn't figure out how to transfer the data, so instead 1000 people or so have to line up for pictures. Mine better come out well, because my old one was really good; although after just nine months my nose has already pretty much flaked off.

For some obscure reason the pictures are set up to be taken in the most difficult-to-find spot on our whole campus. First, you have to walk over to the building where the cafeteria is. Unless you already work in that building, of course; or unless you're a lazy-ass, no-account, ozone-layer-destroying troglodyte, in which case you can get in your car and drive the 3/16-mile distance, because God forbid you should actually expend any of your own personal energy.

The Phantom Pharter can probably just strap on a pair of roller skates.

When you get to the building, you'll see a sign on the security guard's desk that says "PICTURES UPSTAIRS." Look at the staircase! There's a sign with the word "Pictures" and an up arrow on it. Climb the stairs and there's another sign with an arrow at the top.

By the time Robbie and I got to the picture room, we were crying with laughter, which sucks because it means I had to get my picture taken with mascara all over my face. There was a long and winding path to get to the room, and "PICTURES" arrow signs were everywhere - including just places where the hallway jogged to one side and there wasn't any other place you could possibly go without banging smack into the wall. Where the hallway came to a window and turned left, there was a sign with an arrow pointing to the left on the window.

Sure, the message of the sign was ostensibly, "Turn left here." But the underlying message of the sign was, "If we didn't put a sign here, you would probably plow straight ahead through the window and plummet to your death, or at least fracture a couple of ribs, you idiot."

We found the room just as the security officer taking the camera was going on break. But we decided to hang around and wait for his return, because we didn't think we could find our way back out again.