And So It Begins
It must be October, because I just got a Brylane Home holiday-edition catalog in the mail.
It's been worse. A couple of years ago, the item featured on the cover was a festive Christmas quilt with snowmen, Santas and reindeer. The crowning touch was twinkling white Christmas lights sewn all over it.
I'm pretty sure I only saw that item in one catalog ever. I can't turn any such thing up on Google. It must have dawned on the manufacturers pretty quickly that a bed studded with tiny, sharp, pointy, hot objects is not particularly comfortable. Quickly - but obviously, not quickly enough.
Still, some of the items in the current catalog make me want to slink into a corner, weeping. Christmas quilts I can, I guess, grudgingly, understand, even though I'd never buy such an item myself. But dear God, there are matching curtains. And rugs. And furniture. Who refurnishes their house for the holidays?? There's an accent table with a glass top and a cheery red-and-white striped base shaped like three candy canes. Who would buy this ghastly item? Where do you put it the rest of the year?? Are you supposed to just throw it away after New Years??? It costs $60!!!
I bet you don't believe me.
But actually I think the most upsetting item in this catalog is this poinsettia-print bathroom set. The window curtains are hideous. The shower curtain is ghastly. The sink and tub skirts are abhorrent and, if you ask me, slightly perverted; and I'm really not happy that the whole bathroom is painted a coordinating dark green, even though matching wallpaper would of course be infinitely worse. (I shouldn't say that; they might get ideas.) But the real crime against nature in this room is the ruffly toilet.
If God had intended for toilets to be ruffly, He would have given men better aim.
posted by Beth @ 9:27 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
You know, I started to write something really nasty here about that bathroom ensemble. Truly, it is ghastly and hideous. But as I was typing my potty language I started to remember that my mom had our bathroom decorated very similarly back in the late 70's and early 80's. I remember being a 6 year old who loved every last scrap of the gaudy, Wal-Mart style Christmas decor my mom put out every year. My family was poor and my mom loved her stuff, and I was six and just knew that when these things came out Christmas was coming.
I guess those memories suddenly made me think of someone's grandmother somewhere who just thinks that setup is adorably festive. I actually felt bad about slamming them too hard despite the fact that I still maintain my position that they truly are ghastly.
"Potty language" - snerk!
I think your comment is really sweet. Let's just agree that toilets should never, under any circumstances, be ruffly and I'll be content.
I have particularly fond memories of tinsel icicles that had been reused year after year until they were limp and gray. Seriously - I guess there's special meaning in all kinds of different things for everyone!
This is a new catalog to me- and I get some real winners. We've only been in this house a couple of years, but a friend had visited here in the mid-1980's; she told me that back then, even the toilet tanks were papered in the same pattern as the bathroom walls. Maybe that owner was someone's festive grandmother, too?
Annie at the Transplantable Rose
Y'all should check out Lileks' Interior Desecrations. Especially the all-seeing alien psychedelic bathtub.
This, along with the diet cards from the 70s, is why I enjoy your company!! lol...
I really want a Banana Boat Slicer. Instead of cleaning one knife, I could wash multiple banana blades!
The Boat could be useful for people with phobias about touching bananas. Wait, I know someone who needs that link!
And I forgot we once wallpapered the top half of a room, including the ceiling, with ferns printed on an ivory background. No drugs were involved - it was a nature thing.
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