The Federation of Planets Dept. of Transportation

Or FoPDOT, as we Federation employees like to call it.

Wouldn't it be fun to do an episode of Star Trek with people from work cast in all the parts? We'd probably have to amalgate all the series in order to have roles for everyone - though I'm really only familiar with Next Generation and the original series. Quick, off the top of my head: Dreamboat as Kirk, F. as a fearsome (well, fearsomely snoring) Worf, and Bitchin' Smoker as Troi.

No, maybe I'd cast our section director as Troi. She's a lot closer to looking the part, and her counseling patients wouldn't be as likely to jettison themselves into space after the first session. Not that I'm implying that B.S. has an unpleasant personality. It's just that you can only take so much secondhand smoke before total vacuum begins to look invitingly fresh.

I'll take Dr. Crusher for myself, on account of the red hair and the teenaged son - although if my son were as annoying as Wesley Crusher, I'd smack him into next week. I think we should get the boss of mapping to play him on the show. He's reasonably wunderkindlich, but not so much that anyone should have any particular desire to throttle him.* Then again, maybe I'd rather be an alien babe in a tinfoil bikini.

And actually, the more I think about this, the more I'm realizing that it's problematic because most of the people we work with will have to be cast as aliens. We all know that aliens play only a token role in the Star Trek universe, outnumbering only African-Americans and women. The Phantom Pharter, for example: Geordi? Scotty? Data??? No. But he'd make a decent - um, he'd be a good -

Ah, the hell with it. Let's re-adapt Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy for the screen using all state agency employees. I get to be Trillian.

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*I don't work in mapping, incidentally.