Har! In the Car Where You Are

How cool would it be to go on Pimp My Ride?

You can't go on with a car that's already awesome, because the Ride Pimpers (band name!) wouldn't have much work to do. You've already got shiny, color-coordinated paint, and nice fluffy upholstery, and presumably such less essential niceties as air conditioning, brakes, and a working clutch. If you have a car that requires little besides a flame job to turn it into the Pimped-Out-Ride-Of-The-Century, what's really the point? So they don't do those.

But my 1992 VW Golf would be an excellent candidate for the show:

1. The radiator leaks. Just carry a bottle of water with you at all times; you'll be fine! Well, probably.
2. The oil leaks, a little. You should probably carry a couple of bottles of motor oil just in case. But this is not usually an emergency.
3. There is paint everywhere! It's not all the same color. Still, much of it is fairly well coordinated.
4. There is not a headliner. Did I mention the whole car has paint?
5. There's a rearview mirror and a driver's-side mirror. The passenger-side mirror? Not so much.
6. The cloud of blue-white smoke it emits (see #2) after sitting in the parking lot for a few weeks has in fact been implicated in a few state-employee deaths (although it turned out later they were only off on an extended smoke break, as were the missing grackles).
7. The hatchback's hydraulics have gone out, so it does not stay open on its own, and may decapitate the unwary grocery shopper.
8. The air conditioning works in that it blows a substance, strongly resembling air, at the passengers. It's not actually cooler than outside-temperature air, and if the AC is turned on, the engine tends to stall out.
9. Some door locks work only from the inside, some only from the outside.
10. The radio works only if you hold it firmly into place, so that all the electrical connections make full contact. You can't get presets or saved settings, of course.
11. The clutch is going out - not badly enough to be an issue yet, except at stoplights. But how often do you have to deal with those??
12. The windows do roll up - as well as down! - but they screech loudly at you when you attempt it.
13. We'll think all that up later, but it will probably be bad luck.

So those are my reasons why I need to go on a fancy-ass MTV show and win a prize so expensive I can't afford the taxes on it. Cool, huh? What do you think? I just hope it comes out looking like a 1972 Karmann Ghia convertible. Awesome!