Good Morning!

Oh no, don't say that to the Bitching Smoker. You'll just piss her off.

On a good day, B.S. is pretty cool. I've always had a soft spot in my head for curmudgeons; and she has an acid sense of humor and a keen grasp of the absurd - you just have to not mind the fact that the absurd is likely to be you. But on a bad day, she's kind of like Oscar the Grouch, minus the cute-and-fuzzy factor.

B.S. has a couple of set responses if you say "Good Morning" to her. She generally snarls back, "Nothing good about it!" or, if she's feeling magnanimous, she may let you off with a grudging "Well, you're half right."

Passing her in the hallway this morning, I was careful not to say the "G" word. "Morning!" I said. B.S. was clearly gathering herself for a stinging retort when she realized exactly what I'd said, so she had to change gears slightly to grumble, "Well, yeah, it is morning."

Of course, if you have to sit in the cubicle directly across from her all day every day, it's not quite as funny.

So I've been bouncing around a few ideas for how to approach this attitude. Most people just ignore it and avoid dealing with her whenever possible. But it could be fun to address the problem more creatively. For instance, I could try turning up the sunshine: "B.S.! How are you on this beautiful morning? So wonderful to see you!" Maybe try a hug, too. Or maybe not - she might try to bite me, and I'm pretty sure my shots aren't up to date.

More intriguing is the idea of trying to beat her at her own game. I'm not sure there's enough negative energy to support two people that grumpy. I'd have to slump around and glower a lot, roll my eyes in exasperation, and bark at anyone who dares to approach me about what a lousy day it is, how much it sucks to be at work with so many dumbasses, and how miserable life is in general. Maybe she'd start trying to comfort me and tell me it really isn't all that bad.

Maybe she'd start saying "Good Morning!" just to piss me off.