Let Us Eat Cake
My theory is that government employees never die, or quit or retire, for that matter. They just gradually metamorphose into obsolete office equipment. That old phone I'm using, the one with no call waiting, caller ID, or even a hold button? Was once a vibrant and ambitious young state worker.
Likewise, when my time comes, in 30 or 35 years, I won't be so cutting-edge myself. I'll have turned into a piece of equipment that was the ultimate in high-tech in 2006; and all the fresh young new hires will be highly annoyed that they have to make do with a device that can't teleport you instantaneously to Yoakum, or even conduct a delay-free videoconference, fer crissakes.
Today our section director gathered everyone together for a little party to celebrate the fact that, for the first time in recorded history, our department met a deadline.
No, I'm serious, this is true! I shit you not. She brought cake and everything.
The only problem was that someone was conducting an interview in a neighboring conference room, so all of us had to be very, very quiet; this put a little bit of a damper on the air of festivity our boss had hoped to create. We all strained to hear as she softly announced the names of several people who had played a pivotal role in meeting this deadline, and then we'd all murmur appreciatively and tap our hands together while she shushed us.
Meanwhile, the bitchin' smoker (or should that be smokin' bitch?) who makes my poor coworker Robbie's life a tobacco-scented, sarcastic-comment-peppered hell, was in particularly grouchy form. When the boss announced that she'd brought cake in order to celebrate, SB pointedly remarked, "Oh, so you'll let us eat cake?"
A few of us exchanged quizzical glances.
As the section director went on to praise the people who'd made this wonderment a reality, SB made several more jabs at her, picking up the director's own jokes about locking people in conference rooms till they got the job done and making them cry, and throwing them back at her. Those of us standing in SB's immediate vicinity edged slowly away. Nobody wanted to get scorched if lightning happened to strike.
Actually, I have to confess, I quite like SB, though I'm a little intimidated by her (and unlike Robbie, I don't sit next to her). I appreciate her dry (very dry) wit; and have to respect the fact that, unlike many people, she obviously isn't spooked by the boss.
But she knows she won't get fired, because they don't fire state employees.
No, the worst thing SB has to look forwaqrd to is turning into a state-of-the-art Zenith with a 12-inch monitor and an 8-inch floppy drive, a transformation which will probably be complete in about seven or eight years.
posted by Beth @ 5:47 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
She brought cake!? Good Lord! I knew something was awry yesterday when all circuits were busy! Blasted! Did SB make a sarcastic comment on the health hazards of bringing food into the office? I'll explain...you see, in December, the fearless leader put a stop to the annual Nacho Factory. The Nacho Factory feast was one of the last moments of enjoyment for my fellow employees. The leader said it was a health hazard. Personally, I think you are just as likely to get sick from a Nacho heated at 350 degrees as you are a cake that's been sitting at the bakery for several hours, transported to the office, and then handled by many co-workers. With all that said, what the hell...I guess now that I'm gone, she's throwing parties!
Well, did you put the PMS in HPMS? No?? All right then!
No cake for you!
I always wondered if state employees in other states were as hard to fire as they are here. Now I know. :-> Here you don't turn into an outmoded piece of technology, they transfer you around until you end up sitting in a office far away from everyone else collecting information that no one cares about.
"you end up sitting in a office far away from everyone else collecting information that no one cares about."
Wow, that's how you END? I just started and that's exactly what I do now. Freaky!
I'm in one the the few agencies here where we actually do something. Well, it's more like try to do something around the ever changing statutes and policies, so getting stuck in a corner like that is pretty bad. In other agencies you get transferred around until the can stick you somewhere and forget about you.
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