InaniTea

By the end of yesterday, the lack of coffee had left me with a blinding headache. One of the conference-goers tendered ibuprofen and advice: while the substance they call coffee, provided with the in-room coffeemaker, is, of course, completely undrinkable - especially when further tainted with that powdery white stuff which some people use for no better reason than that it renders "coffee" roughly the same color that cream does - the tea is not actually bad. So I am brewing a cup now. God knows I have to do something. Just look at the time! And I'm already showered and dressed and everything.

It's organic tea. Hopefully it will turn out all right, because I can't follow the instructions:

In the brilliant light of sunrise, bring the freshest of waters to a boil. Pour over a sachet of Morning Rise and, as with loose tea, steep 3-5 minutes. This tea is strong enough to handle milk, yet mild enough to be served alone.

Oh what ever. This tea is destined to be brewed under fluorescent lighting with water from the bathroom tap heated in the coffeemaker with highway noise in the background; and it may be strong enough to take milk on, but I bet that nasty white powder would kick its ass.

They give you a little bag of chamomile lemon myrtle tea too. Here's how you make it:

Bring fresh water to a boil. Sit back, relax, and pour over a bag of Sweet Meadows. As tranquility fills the air, steep 4-6 minutes, to desired strength. This is the perfect bedtime teasan. Delicious hot or cold. Enjoy!

What if tranquility doesn't fill the air? What do you do then?? And what the hell's a teasan?! I know what tea is.

It be a letter in the pirate alphabet.