I Finally Found the Right Breath Mint!!!

20 points for the reference.

At lunch with a friend today, I was lamenting the fact that I put in* for other agency jobs all the time, and never get interviews. How is this fair? I'm really smart! I'm ever such a good worker, really I am, if only I have stuff to do! I'm gosh-darned nice to work with. Bosses always love me.** Why doesn't anybody want to hire me?

My friend explained that at the agency where we both work, HR is staffed by the sort of people who need detailed written instructions (which they move their lips while reading) on how to scratch their butts. I nodded a little impatiently. I knew that; that's HR pretty much anywhere.

"But you have to completely change the way you think about this," he went on. "You must remember that the hiring process is not intended to find the best person for the job. It's intended to keep the agency from being sued. Any other consideration is secondary."

Valuable advice, then, from a valued friend.

I turned in another application today, this one for a job at another campus in a different part of town, maybe a bit beyond the reach of my bike, or at least its sorry excuse for an engine. Still, I'm a little antsy to get out. My boss, who already demands monthly and weekly status reports, recently suggested it would be a good idea for us to start documenting our time by the half-hour each day, as this would be helpful in determining where we could be more efficient. "It would be for your own reference, just so you could see where improvement is needed," she hastened to add, "not for you to show me."

Oh whatever. Like I haven't been around long enough to know where this is headed.

The HR representative who received my application wanted to know why I was submitting a printed paper one, rather than using the online form. I explained that I had heard from reliable sources that the online application did not always come through successfully, sometimes blanking out fields which are required for the application to be considered.

"That couldn't happen," he said huffily. "If we gave applications with blank fields to the hiring supervisor, they'd be calling us to know what was going on."

Which is why any such application is immediately discarded by HR during the pre-screening process. But I didn't want to argue. I just wanted to turn in my application and smile and nod and go back to my desk and not incur the mountainous, paper-rattling wrath of the HR flunky. You know how bureaucracy works, right? You do not want to piss these people off.

I have three other active applications out: a love-to-have, a like-to-have, and an eh-I-guess-I'll-take-it-if-it's-the-only-thing-going. The first two I submitted on paper - and fortunately a different, non-bitching HR flunky was on duty when I did. The third I submitted online, because, you know. Eh.

And today, late this afternoon, too late in fact for me to bounce around squealing at any of my friends because they all go home by 4:30 (you slackers!!!) the love-to-have called! I have an interview! Next week! Details tomorrow morning.

Hallelujah! Could it be? Am I possibly not a complete loser after all?

Tomorrow, an interview. Next week, the state!

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*As opposed to putting out. Why! The very idea!
**Except for that company in Corpus, but everybody knows they were batshit insane.