Saturday, January 19, 2008


Parents and coworkers, just move along. Nothing to see here.

Everybody should have a sex checklist they could compare on a first date. Wouldn't that simplify everything?

It could be divided into sections: I love; I don't mind; I hate; I've never tried but might like to; I've never tried and don't want to; That's just gross; plus a list of the sexual positions that you like, that are okay, that you don't care for, or that (due to personal taste or individual physiology) just won't work for you.

This gives you some wiggle room (sorry) when evaluating a potential sex partner. If you have something on your "I love" that's on their "That's just gross," you know it probably won't work out; but if it's just on your "I've never tried but might like to," you could still be fine.

And there are probably a few things that should have a scale of, say, 0-5 on the checklist, like S&M or bondage. Spanking would be about a 1 on the S&M scale, whereas whipping or otherwise drawing blood would be a 5. And for bondage, being tied up with ribbons might be a 1, and handcuffs you can slip out of, but not without some effort, would be around a 3. People who are more than 2 points apart on these scales might not want to get involved.

Of course, some things you just have to work with. One common practice is on a lot of guys' "I love," whereas it tends to be on many women's "I hate," "I've never tried and don't want to," or "That's just gross" list. And the compromise is not really ideal: the guy doesn't get to do it, but the woman feels like a vanilla sex partner, especially if the guy then pipes up with, "Well, the chick in that porno liked it a lot, why don't you?" Still, having it all spelled out beforehand would have to help, wouldn't it? It would at least avoid unpleasant surprises for both sides. Um, so to speak.

Oh, and maybe there should be an "At-A-Glance" section for certain key points, like so:

Orgasmic: Yes
Diseases: No
Will participate in three-way: Yes
Back door: Exit only
Barnyard animals: No

I'm warming to the idea the more I write about it. I think it should be a required section in social networking site profiles. I know I'd find MySpace a lot more interesting.

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At January 19, 2008 12:50 PM, Blogger Tommy Korioth said...


I think this is a work of genius. Women need a list like this, probably more than men. A guys list is pretty easy to imagine: We’ll do anything you let us do and nothing that will let us look gay. (Even if we are) No crossed swords.

Because of this article I am already attracted to you and I don’t even know what you look like. I love your answer, “exit only.” Has no one taken the time and patience to slowly bring you into the back door club? Once you go back, you never go front.

And if by chance you are black, just remember. Once you go white, you go right back to black again, but its well worth the effort for race relations.

Orgasmic: Yes
Diseases: No

Tommy K.

At January 19, 2008 3:55 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Wow. Thank you! What a flattering comment.

I can't think of anything else safe to say, but I sure am glad none of my coworkers or family members are reading this!

And I look exactly like my profile picture, only a little more brooding and sinister.

At January 22, 2008 4:48 PM, Anonymous Wild Stallion said...

I'm a coworker ... or was and I just read it. WORKING FROM HOME!

pew pew pew ;-)


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