Diamonds Are a Ho's Best Friend

There's this really offensive ad that shows up sometimes on the header of my stat counter's page, and I'd be happy to note that I haven't looked at it closely enough to see the name of the company that placed it, except that it clearly isn't aimed at me.

It's for some diamond distributor, and - aside from the sparkly bits - every single image they show is of attractive women's faces in the throes of passion, up close, a man's face also nearby. The message is pretty clear. Buy your girl a diamond. She'll put out!

If this ad appeals to you, it's time to do a serious cost-benefit analysis.

Your average titty dancer is pretty happy with a few twenties tucked into her T-back, though depending on the establishment, that might not get you more than a couple of hours' lightly flirtatious chit-chat. A straight-up hooker on whatever street has supplanted South Congress since it became SoCo will set you back even less. Do you like a girl with a full set of teeth? That costs extra.

We've all heard that marriage is the ultimate form of prostitution, only nobody ever thinks so when they go into it - and, indeed, these days, now that women are mercifully capable of supporting themselves, it's lost a great deal of that character. But society's dating and courtship rituals retain a lot of the commercial aspect, and one doesn't quite like to see it pointed out so blatantly by a load of soulless marketing scum, does one?

I'm living proof that it doesn't have to be that way. I've been given one diamond in my entire life, and I have three kids. Do the math, people! Do the math.