How To Meow So Your Kitten Will Listen (and Listen So Your Kitten Won't Devour You in Your Sleep)

You know, I may not be a genius or a great beauty. I also may not know the first thing about how to properly bring up a kitten. But if you leave me the key to your apartment and ask me to check in on your cat a few times while you're out of town, by God, you can at least be sure I won't rifle through your underwear drawer. And that's saying something!

...Right?

I'm over at Robbie's looking in on Bullock, and I have to say I'm really impressed. He left me a list of things to do when watching her. "If she's messed up the rugs or the plants, she gets a 'BAD KITTY' and no treat," he told me. "If she's gotten into the stereo wires, it's 'VERY BAD KITTY' and she goes in time out for five minutes. If everything's in order and she hasn't done anything bad, you can say 'GOOD KITTY' to her in a baby voice and she gets a scooby snack."

I haven't seen Bullock in about four weeks, because my car's been out of commission and I haven't come up here to hang out. But I have to say his method seems to be working, because the place is still tidy, the rugs and blinds and furniture are all intact, and, while she clearly would love to shred me (in a friendly way, of course), you can really tell she's exercising restraint.

I gave her a scooby snack.

Either his kitten-rearing techniques are working really well, or he's just swapped her out for another cat, which doesn't seem entirely impossible. This kitten does not look quite like the one I remember. She's half again as big, for one. And this one's fur is all black and sleek and shiny. The other one's was kind of fuzzy and silly-looking. This one is (relatively) demure and well-behaved. The other one was a small, cuddly demon from the pits of eternal Hell.

But I'd better get back to her, because she's evidently excited to have a visitor and is making chirping noises and getting into stuff. And I'll be damned if Robbie's place is going to get all torn up on my watch!

I have to wonder, though. Boxers or briefs?