Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Microwave Popcorn : Cornflakes :: __________ : Denver Omelet

Cubiclelanders should not be allowed to make microwave popcorn for breakfast.

There are three very good reasons for this. One, the secondhand trans-fat vapor probably increases everyone's risk of heart disease. Two, anyone who puts back that much imitation butter is prone to emit certain other odors on a frequent basis, if you know what I mean. Three, when you consider that this person consumes an entire bag of microwave popcorn in the same manner that you might enjoy a nice bowl of cornflakes, you get to wondering what he orders at IHOP when he wants something really filling.

Try not to think about it, because that way lies madness.

Speaking of lunacy, there's been a spot of controversy surrounding a certain "Project X" at work. So, several months ago, everyone in our division was instructed to create a special folder for any email we might receive containing any reference to Project X, as well as an automatic rule to drop such emails directly into that folder for the legal staff to review.

Recently, being bored, I happened to peep into the folder, though like most people there I'd never had anything to do with Project X, so I didn't expect to find anything. But I did! The folder held the last several months' issues of our employee newsletter, which I have to admit I had not even missed. The newsletters triggered the automatic rule because they had blurbs telling everybody not to worry about that silly old controversy, because Project X is going great!

I'd conclude this post by proving this is all the fault of the Phantom Pharter and his out-of-control popcorn fumes*, but the smell is dissolving my brain.

*A bit cumbersome, but that's a band name there.

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At August 21, 2007 12:11 AM, Anonymous debs said...

Besides, they always seem to burn it. Which is akin to a 3 alarm fire.

I had a burper in my group. She ate funyuns and bean dip and you could smell the belch. I nearly passed out one day.


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