I Picked the Wrong Time of Year To Be a Feminist

"Women are mysterious," begins a radio ad that's been running lately, "especially when it comes to Valentine's Day!"

Silly radio ad. It's based on the premise that women are not really mysterious at all, because everybody knows that all women want tender, romantic gestures that will eventually lead to commitment and marriage and children. Men don't get it, because they just want to watch sports and pornos and belch and scratch themselves. What's to understand? Men, of course, are pretty stupid when it comes to relationships.

"Have your gift delivered to her at work," the ad goes on, "so she can talk, talk, talk about you to her friends!"

Hahaha! Women sure do like to talk, don't they? Can't shut the bitch up.

Another ad features one woman telling a second woman that her boyfriend wants to get serious, but she's not really sure. The second woman immediately deduces that the first woman has something wrong with her. Maybe it's her diet. Anyway, the ad concludes happily with the first woman announcing that her boyfriend just proposed and she said yes! Squealing ensues.

If I weren't a lady, I swear, I'd pull an Elvis on the damn radio.