Dressing the Part

Some months ago, as we were milling around aimlessly at work (as is our wont), one of my friends commented, "I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of growing old, though, because old men always wear those pants that come way up to your chest."

"You wouldn't have to do that," I said.

"Oh yes, I would."

The lady who lived in this house before us was older and quite respectable, which is a shame because it means that I don't get any good clothing catalogs in the mail. The combination marketed towards older women is a bit befuddling: the clothes are simultaneously butt-ugly and much more expensive than anything I would ever consider buying. Trousers are high-waisted and loose-fitting. Well, every item in the catalog is loose-fitting, except of course for the (ahem) foundation garments, which were still called girdles when I was a young lass. The colors are vivid and jarring, there are lots of busy fripperies like ruffles and beading and fringe and embroidery, and there's not a peep of cleavage to be seen. These clothes are not designed to draw attention to your best features - they're designed to hide and distract from as much of you as possible.

The models in the pictures are not older women, and do not seem to be particularly in need of girdles. You can see in their eyes that they're only dressing like this because they're getting paid.

At the other extreme, the previous resident in our apartment was apparently a gay man, which was great because I got International Male catalogs for a while. There's nothing else like looking at pictures of well-oiled, tightly-muscled men clad only in leopard-print spandex thongs and the occasional mesh tee - and, unless you're really good at suspending disbelief, a few pairs of rolled-up socks - to give you a fine appreciation for the nuances of fashion. But for some reason I don't think I noticed what the prices were.

My friend recently left the agency for a job in the private sector. I'm not sure if that will hasten or slow down the aging process. You'd think working for the state might preserve youth - sort of like being in suspended animation - although, looking around, I have to admit it doesn't seem to have had that effect on some of the old-timers.

I can't say much for their fashion sense, either.