Back from Downtown (WAY the hell TMI)

Over the last several months, I've handed out the URL for my blog to many coworkers. Don't get me wrong! Every last one of them is really cool; I wouldn't give my blog out to some loser. Still, in the past I've been accustomed to posting somewhat personal stuff - in a humorous vein, of course - safe in the knowledge that only my parents, Omar, a few snopesters, and random Internet perverts would read it.

This has changed.

I just want to blog about the stuff that goes on in my day-to-day existence and not have to worry about getting slapped with a sexual harassment complaint. Deal? Read on, then (or don't!).

So I bit the bullet and went to my OB/GYN appointment today. Glory be! I still have a working hoo-hah. This is a relief. Moreover, I'm pleased to announce that my IUD has not slipped loose and ended up lodged in my tonsils; and we'll all be happy to know that the girls upstairs are free of any suspicious lumps. "Nah, they feel great," Buzz says.

Damn straight! Unfortunately, I have to go get a mammogram anyway. Shit.

Still, for a doctor's visit it was quite warm and fuzzy, if you'll pardon the expression. I haven't been there in five years - actually my last visit was my six-week postpartum after Anna was born. Well, Ros, the nurse, comes to the waiting room to call me in and says, "Hey there, long time no see! Where have you been?"

"I've been to hell and back," say I.

"Do you hear that, Buzz?" says Ros. "Elizabeth's been in hell!"

"Well, Corpus Christi," I add, for clarification; and I'm so gratified when Buzz says, "Corpus Crispy?" because that's what I always liked to call the residents! (Corpus Crispies, that is, or else Corpuscles. They themselves prefer to be called Corpus Christians. What a bunch of wankers.)

Dr. B chided me humorously for not keeping up with my appointments (I never went, in Corpus), was really sorry to hear of the loss of my mother, stressed the importance of keeping a close watch on the time-bombs I'm carrying around under my dress, and hugged me goodbye when I left. I've been going to him for about thirteen and a half years now, minus the 5-year-gap, so I'm so glad to be back, and genuinely touched to be remembered, missed, and welcomed.

Next I need to make the appointment for a mammogram; and if anyone's wondering, my arm will probably not take a whole lot of twisting to make me skip it. ("Barton Springs? I can't because I have this appWhat time should I be there?") So I'll be sure to post when it is. Meanwhile, hopefully my warning above will have frightened off any particularly sensitive cow orkers; and I'll report back on how many visits I get from people googling on "TMI," "hoo-hah," "IUD," "OB/GYN," and all the other wildly sexy metas I've embedded in this post.

I know what boys like.