Thursday, May 08, 2008

Google Would Know

The really cool thing about having a blog - aside, that is, from getting to practice typing a lot, and having the indulgence of many kind friends (both "real" and "virtual") who actually read, and sometimes post a comment on, or even link to, your pointless, yet convolutedly-punctuated blatherings - is that, after a couple of years, Google starts giving you a really good idea of what it is that you are actually all about.

It's like a mirror, or maybe a therapist. Perhaps a combination of the two: Freud with serious hair product issues.

The biggest traffic generator for the last few months has been "reasons not to go to work," which seems rather ironic now that I've got an actual job that I don't even hate. Still, it's something that lots and lots of people google on, and when they do, why, here I am. My #1 answer was of course that my cats weren't heavy enough to hold furniture down on their own, so I had to stay home and lend a hand (or a butt - see next item). I hope this was helpful.

And of course my longest-running, highest-yielding all-time search term is the one that captures readers who are especially interested in the way that cats clean themselves - their nether regions, in particular. By licking. You'd be amazed how many googlers appear to have been previously unaware of this fact. They arrive at my blog in droves* every day, and are duly enlightened.

Another big one lately has been "things to do before you die." Really? I'm an authority?! You'd think I must be leading a much more exciting life than I am. But do you know, I've never jumped out of a plane? Not even once! To tell the truth, I really don't even want to. Nor have I ever practiced bestiality (thank you), yet "but fuck one goat" certainly brings in its share of visitors.

Today for the first time, Google also decided I was an expert on yoinking. Right up there with Wiktionary. Who knew? Also, if you want to know about cockblocking - well!

If it says so on teh interwebz,** it must be true.

*Two or three
**Another popular search term



At May 09, 2008 1:26 AM, Blogger Tommy Korioth said...

Don't you ever stop blogging. You're the Lillie Langtree to my Judge Roy Bean.

(My blog gained huge hit counts when I started writing about Bill Allen and his "13 year old Crack Whore." - - "crack whore" seems really popular.)

At May 09, 2008 2:50 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Thank you so much! What a perfectly lovely thing to say. :)

I got a few crack whore hits, for a while, after writing about the list of questions they ask you when you give blood. But the spoils of crack whoredom didn't last long for me.


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