The Amazing Alphabetical Adventures of Robbie and Elizabeth

Bright and early this morning, Robbie picked Elizabeth up for a day of adventures. "But they have to be in ABC order," he told her. "And we have to go through the entire alphabet today."

A: Apportioning the first part of the morning to Dominican Joe, the pair absorbed coffee and asked the amiable barista - who welcomed them avidly after their long absence - what to see in Fredericksburg on the way to Enchanted Rock. She turned out to be full of answers. Also, apropos of nothing in particular, here's another piece of advice: always wear a bandana tied around your neck, because you never know when you'll want to hold up a bank. Or perhaps an armored truck.

B: Broke into Elizabeth's office - okay, badged in - to pick up a map, a notepad and pen, and most importantly the Buddha.


C: Car maintenance. In preparation for the trip, Robbie filled up the gas tank (at, it goes without saying, catastrophic cost) and topped off the windshield washer fluid, because when you're on a road trip, you hit a lot of bugs. Butterflies mostly, but let's just say they're crickets.

D: Drove! And while driving through Dripping Springs (Gateway to the Hill Country, don'cha know), Robbie and Elizabeth dished some dirt about former coworkers who think they're too good for Dominican Joe now. Just because they felt dissed. Also discussed was how doves always bring another former coworker to mind. Meanwhile, David Bowie played on the car stereo.

E: Elizabeth enjoyed the exemplary cleanliness of the restroom at the Stonewall Diner, as Robbie stood watch outside, lest she be abducted by Canadian Mormons, which don't even have an E at all; what were you thinking, Robbie?

F: Frittered away an hour or so in Fredericksburg.


G: German food is gastro-rrific! Or so the two found at Altdorf's, which is right next door to St. Mary's Cathedral, as a consequence of which they

H: Heard church bells ringing several times, apparently at random, for no particular reason, so they decided that every time the church bells ring, somewhere, an angel must be getting some. Meanwhile, thanks to the filling German food, they found they were no longer hungry.

I: Inappropriate remarks were made: if the church bell idea is correct, angels are apparently insatiable. Onward, then, to Enchanted Rock, where Robbie and Elizabeth found themselves exclaiming, "It's so BIG!"

The parking lot was full, but a car with Indiana plates and an Indianapolis Colts sticker pulled out just as the intrepid pair arrived, giving them a space only a short walk from the trailhead. And a good thing, too. Heaven forbid you have a long walk to the trailhead. It's very hot, and

J: there may have been a lapse in judgment involved in timing this excursion so that they were climbing Enchanted Rock during the hottest part of the day. "It's just a big rock," said Robbie.

K: Karma - "Good Karma," in fact, is what Buddha replied when, 1/4 of the way up the rock, Robbie and Elizabeth sat down, kaput, and asked him whether they were going to make it.

L: Lichens; there are some very cool lichens on the granite, which make fascinating patterns against the rock if you look closely. Robbie and Elizabeth were likin' the lichens.


M: Martinis! Halfway up, the pair stopped to rest on a comfortable rock. It was so comfortable, they stayed there for quite a long time, long enough that the friendly people who had begun climbing at the same time they did, and whom they therefore naturally regarded as arch-nemeses, actually made it to the top first. Robbie and Elizabeth christened the rock the Three Martini Break Rock.

N: Neato, nifty, nice view from the top! Enchanted rock is one of a pair of domes which curve down to a canyon between. This made Robbie think of NICE TITS!

O: "Oh what fun it is to ride with a condom and Buddha!" said Robbie. Elizabeth objected that this was a stupid entry for the letter O, but she was overruled.

At the windy top of Enchanted Rock, airborne soil and seeds have created several small grassy oases in the rock.


P: "Politely, we refrained from peeing off the rock onto the land below," pointed out Elizabeth. It was Robbie's turn to protest; but Elizabeth pressed on, as indeed anyone who is prepared enough to bring a vanilla-flavored condom to the top of Enchanted Rock has every right to do.

Q: "Cheryl's Bitch is SUCH a queen!!!!" quoth Robbie on the way down from the summit, for no readily apparent reason.

R: "Right About Now - The Funk Soul Brother" is a song on Elizabeth's iPod, playing through the stereo in Robbie's car on the way to LLano, but Robbie really likes it, I mean really. Frankly, it's kind of embaRRassing. Rrrrrrrrr!

S: Sweating profusely is what you will do if you climb Enchanted Rock on a hot day, incidentally. You'll also get sticky, and you might even smell.

T: Took the time to indulge in tasty ice cream treats, then traipse around historic Llano, where the llocals, engaging in an Old West reenactment, were so traditional in their dress that Elizabeth felt a bit like a tramp for wearing trousers.

U: Updating the decorations on the historic square is something Llano might want to take under consideration.


V: Vultures have hopefully eaten Robbie and Elizabeth's vanquished arch-nemeses by now.

W: Wildflowers are everywhere! Why did they take down the wildflower hotline at work? Elizabeth was wonderful at waxing rhapsodic about wildflowers. The hotline was taken down because the wildflowers had supposedly all wilted. Wrong!

X: Robbie and Elizabeth had a little trouble with this one for a few minutes, wondering, what on earth are we going to find on a road trip that starts with X? Then they drove past a noisome, bloated specimen of roadkill on the shoulder. "Look!" exclaimed Elizabeth, "it's an X-raccoon!"

Fine, you come up with something better.

Y: Yelled at a passing yokel (that's not what Robbie called him, but the word he used started with C) who failed to wave after Robbie pulled onto the shoulder to let him go by. SO rude. Probably from Califo - I mean, the Yukon.

Z: Back in Austin at last, Robbie and Elizabeth decided to stop for a drink before heading homewards. Z Tejas would certainly have been the logical choice, but they like El Arroyo better: it's a favorite place to sit and relax and enjoy margaritas and chips and salsa.

And then finally back home, after a fun and exhausting day: time to catch some Z's!

See all the pictures!