Sunday, March 16, 2008

Gross Analogy for the Day

Ex-boyfriends/husbands are like dirty underwear. They were fine when you had them on, but once you take them off, they need to stay in the hamper. You wouldn't put them back on again later. Eewwww!

Only I don't like that analogy, because you can't just wash and reuse your discarded lovers. The analogy would work better if it were standard practice to donate your used underwear to Goodwill and buy new ones every day. But nobody can afford to do that, especially not if you have expensive tastes; you'd be single-handedly keeping Victoria's Secret in business, and Goodwill wouldn't be able to get anybody to work in the receiving bay.

Actually I was at Goodwill earlier today, as a side note, shopping for boring tops. There was a thong bodysuit hanging on one rack among the shirts. I wonder who would buy that? Obviously I have no problem with used clothing, but that's been up somebody's butt.

Tampons are a better analogy. Exes are like tampons, which you do not under any circumstances reuse, unless you're a really good person and use sea sponges (I drew the line at cloth diapering). But tampons, while quite useful, are not really all that much fun; and the men in your life ideally should be, at least for a little while. So I don't like that analogy much either.

Perhaps they are like your dead pets, which you loved dearly, but can't very well keep around after they are dead. Then again there are those people who have Fluffy stuffed and mounted so they can keep him on the cushion in the corner forever. I think that's kind of weird, but hey, who am I to judge?

So just what, exactly, are exes like?

Men: can't live with them, can't flush them down the toilet.

Especially if you have a septic system.

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At March 16, 2008 6:33 PM, Anonymous billy joe said...

I think ex's are like exotic fruit. Sometimes it's sweet and wonderful, so you savor every bite. If you're careful, you can enjoy it for a very long time. Sometimes it tastes nothing like it looks, and you toss it out after the first disgusting bite. And sometimes they taste sweet at first, but then you're hit with a horrific after taste or an upset stomach that turns you off to anything that looks or smells like it in the future. I know. I've had all three.


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