Egg Salad: Ambrosia of the Gods

Are you an egg salad fan? Well, if not, you should be. Here's some information to get you going.

Egg salad is the only sandwich filling that may legitimately be served on white bread, for the existence of which there is no other excuse. But only if the sandwich is cut diagonally and held together with frilly toothpicks.

The best way to cut up eggs for egg salad is using a pastry cutter. You can also use two table knives, but a pastry cutter chops them up much more finely and evenly, much more quickly. You don't want big chunks of white in your egg salad. Yuck!

You can make egg salad with chopped celery, mayonnaise, Dijon mustard, Worcestershire sauce, and paprika, but only if you're a frou-frou bitch. And you don't get to eat that on white bread. Real egg salad is made with mayonnaise, yellow mustard, sweet relish (NOT dill), and a little salt and pepper.

When making egg salad, you should allow about one egg per sandwich. Proper hardboiling technique is to put the eggs in a pan of cold water, bring it to a boil, then turn off the heat, cover, and allow to sit for ten minutes. If you plunge the eggs into ice water as soon as they're done, the shells will peel off a lot more easily.

Yes, making egg salad causes your whole house to smell like a big fart. But that's because things that give great happiness are obtained only at great cost.

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