Saturday, September 15, 2007

Robbie and the Forty Pussies

Naming your children for professional success isn't enough. Sure, go ahead and pick a name that doesn't sound stupid with the suffix "Ph.D." after it (this means no naming your daughter "Tiffany," people). Sure, pick something traditional and elegant, yet unique, not generic. But have you given any thought to what your future child's porn name will be???

Remember the standard formula: the name of your first pet, plus the name of the first street you lived on, is your porn name. If you, like me, come from a family that moved around a lot, you might not know the first street name, so go with the first one you can remember.

Hi. I'm Buffy Bridgewater!

Meet my children: Spiff North Loop, Jacko Sunnyvale, and Romeo Onion Crossing. Here you see I totally screwed up. I thought I did well by picking out dignified and timeless names for my kids. Maybe not so much. Then again, I suppose porn stars are known neither for dignity nor timelessness. Still, Spiff North Loop?! And that's my son!!!

Anyway, this afternoon, I got to go with Robbie to his friends' ranch in Georgetown to cat/dog-sit. His friends are out of town. They have a largish herd of feral cats, and a few dogs and assorted other creatures: in porn terms, 40 pussies, two bitches, a wiener, and some fish.

You may know Robbie better as Shadow Little Eagle.

One of the feral cats is a teeny tiny little baby thing and just about the cutest little bitty thing you ever saw! I put him/her (obviously, I am not good at this kind of assessment) on top of my - um, that is to say, under my chin, and petted him, or her, and he or she purred very loudly. Robbie suspected me of trying to smuggle him (or her) out in my bra, but actually there's not a lot of spare room in there, sorry.

And speaking of Spare Oom, we watched The Chronicles of Narnia at Robbie's place afterwards. Have you ever seen this movie? Have you ever seen Epic Movie? Okay, watch Chronicles first. Trust me on this. Otherwise it will never work.

And for God's sake, if you live on 45 1/2th Street and you have a pet named Scratchy, try to hold off on having kids.



At September 16, 2007 10:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Eliz, I totally forgot that the street I grew up on was Big Beautiful Sexy Trunk Drive, not ... Little Eagle Drive.


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