And There Was Much Rejoicing

It's about time, after our division has been bleeding bright, talented people for so long, that we should get rid of someone incompetent and useless. And we're in luck! Late yesterday afternoon, a memo was sent out to let everyone know our division administration manager is retiring!

Of course we'll have to have a going-away happy hour for him, just like for everybody else. But unlike the ones we have for everyone else, I think we'll dispense with the minor detail of inviting the guest of honor.

This is the guy who opens and reads all mail sent to anyone in the division; who supervises a full-time staff dedicated to poring over all our internet activity records to make sure no one else is wasting taxpayer money; who would never respond to repeated emails from a friend of mine requesting some files my friend needed for a project, but was never too busy to send plenty of division-wide nastygrams to scold people for burning microwave popcorn or pilfering paper towels from the bathroom to use in the kitchen. This is the guy who took two years to reshuffle the seating arrangements for about 30 people on our floor, to the point where I suspect several employees retired or quit out of sheer exasperation.

This guy is, in short, a complete and utter git.

From the memo announcing his retirement:

For twelve years Complete Git was a revenue agent with the Internal Revenue Service and a special agent for the U.S. Treasury's Criminal Investigation Division. For ten years he ran his own investigative business.

I knew he was a dick!

Upon retirement, Git plans to spend more time with his family in the Dallas area and pursue new opportunities in the private sector. Please join me in wishing Git the very best in his future endeavors.

It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for the private sector. Too bad Git's family isn't in the Corpus area. I know a company there that could really use a man of his talents.