Hostile Work Environment

At work, you know, we accrue sick leave, vacation time and comp time. I need to drop a note into the suggestion box to let management know that we need to be able to rack up working-from-home time for sexual harassment. I'd have weeks of it by now - though not nearly as much as the guys who work with me would.

My friend Robbie and I went to Steak & Shake for lunch today. Have you been there? One just opened up in far south Austin, but before that, Robbie just pined for the ones back in Indiana. After a coffee mocha milkshake, I take his point.

Afterwards we stopped by Walgreen's to pick up a few odds and ends. And do you believe, they had a shelf full of vibrators, right out there in the open, where anybody could see them! I was scandalized. But Robbie insisted they were shoulder massagers.

"No, look," I said, "they say they're shoulder massagers, but see, they have those knobbly different attachments for different, um, effects."

"Those are for your shoulders," he said.

"No, they aren't," I said.

"But it has a picture of a woman's neck and shoulders on the package," he insisted.

"The massager itself isn't in that picture," I pointed out.

The only definitive outcome of the debate was that it would probably be a bad idea for Robbie to buy one for an office gift exchange. Fortunately, our employer is much too chintzy ever to put on such a function. But I think I won. Robbie's a young, innocent guy, after all, whereas I have - um, I've seen catalogs, and been to F.U.N. parties, where by the way I did not buy anything.

When we'd finished shopping, the clerk - a sweet-faced, good-natured older lady - hurried to the register from a nearby display, apologizing that she hadn't been sure if we were checking out or just standing around talking.

"No, no," I said, "I'm never talking to him again!"

She laughed. "Boy, wouldn't that make him happy!" she said. "Is that a promise? I bet that would really make his day!" and so on.

Hey!

Anyway, I think today's excursion gets Robbie and me each several hours of working-from-home time. I'm not sure how much each of us gets, or whether the offenses each of us visits upon the other cancels out the time we've earned. But you get 8 hours for reading this post. Maybe we'll hire the checkout clerk from Walgreen's to work in HR, calculating the amount of time earned for each offense. I'll put it in the suggestion box.