Friday, December 09, 2005

Vegging Out at Work

Do you ever lie awake nights, stressing about work? How about worrying that you'll be devoured by an army of snarling, carnivorous plants?

Maybe it's just me.

I saw a botanically-themed horror movie on TV when I was very little. I don't know the name or remember much of what it was about; it's just one of those things that sticks with you. It featured very pretty flowering bushes whose ornamental benefits were somewhat counterbalanced by their tendency to creep around at night, making a strange, low, croaking noise and eating people.

I like having a few plants around at work. But today I moved offices, in with Suzi, who has kind of a miniature jungle thing going, herself. There's room for our desks, computers, printer, filing cabinets, and assorted accoutrements among the foliage. But only barely. We really need a few toucans and maybe a guy in a leopardskin thong to complete the look.

I think, as long as we don't end up fighting over Leopardskin Thong Guy, we'll get along grandly as roomies. The main problem is that we'll be spending too much time pacifying restless vegetation with plant food and gallons upon gallons of water, just to prevent them sinking their creepers into our flesh and leaching out our vital essences, to get any actual work done.

Do carnivorous creeping bushes constitute a hostile work environment? Does the preceding terrible, shameful pun constitute sexual harassment??

You should probably sue me, or failing that, feed me to the orchids.


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