Thursday, December 01, 2005

Walking in the Shadow of the Valley of the Dolls

Feminism, some sage once remarked, is the radical idea that women are people, too. But my workplace is making me start to wonder.

Lately the male presence at my workplace (total staff ~55) has been noticeably dwindling. I think this is a real shame. I like men. They look so nice when they're dressed up, and they're handy if you want to move your desk or get something off the top shelf in the breakroom. Also, if you go out for drinks, they usually buy.

When I tell my husband about the shenanigans at work - how Magda is pissed at Suzi because Suzi made negative remarks about Magda in what was supposed to be an anonymous feedback document, and Tiffany turned around and showed it to Magda - or how Karen's in trouble for telling her underlings that in any "real" company, she'd be Ursula and Tiffany's boss, and it's gotten back to them - or how Suzi started a fairly implausible rumor about me and a male coworker, which Tiffany later brought up in my quarterly performance review - or this whole current situation - my husband laughs, and shakes his head, and says, "You know, women just have no business in the workplace."

This always pisses me off, but frighteningly, I'm beginning to see his point. It's always been an intensely political place, but I swear it's getting worse and worse, the more the men get weeded out. Are we suffering from testosterone withdrawal? What the hell?!

Whatever it is, I'm about to OD on weirdness. Spending 10 hours a day in this crazy scene is seriously messing with my head. I'm losing my mind...

Of course, there's a disclaimer to all this, and it's a fairly big one. Ursula and Tiffany, and those lesser women who do their part to make my company a convincing replica of the Roman Imperial court, they aren't really people. They're salespeople. Gender doesn't enter into it, except as a peripheral.

Second disclaimer: If I inadvertently offended any salespeople with the remark above, I really don't give a rat's ass. You people are mindless plastic soulsucking scum!

Sorry. I'm just upset because I broke a nail typing this post. Plus I'm having my period right now, so I can't be expected to behave rationally.


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