Oh No, Not Again

Yesterday my bosses told me, in the course of a meeting on related issues, that my workplace dress is still too provocative: outfits too tight, too low-cut, too sexy. I need to be more conservative. We're being scrutinized. I am acting as a representative of our agency... and so on.

The thing is, there's another woman in our office - one of the administrative assistants - who owns the exact same top I was wearing yesterday. She and I have remarked on that, and laughed about it before. She happened to be wearing it yesterday. And it isn't any less tight on her than it is on me, actually. But she's shaped differently than I am.

So do I just need to get a double mastectomy, or what?!

I want to be understanding, because I love this job, and they went on to say how enormously pleased they've been with my work and how happy they are that they hired me. I'm extremely intelligent, they told me: a fast learner, a hard worker, efficient, helpful, utterly reliable, have a wonderful attitude, and take on more of the workload than they had ever hoped for. "Your predecessor was good," said my boss. "You're better."

But let's face it: the tits have got to go.

The girls (my daughters, I mean) and I watched "Enchanted" last night. Have you ever seen it? I absolutely loved it, which I didn't think I would. But it was hilarious, and I got to thinking how nice it would be to have Disney-princess powers of my own: sing a cheerful little working song, and the local wildlife shows up to clean house for you in the most magical and adorable fashion! In Manhattan, the local wildlife consists of pigeons, flies, rats, and cockroaches - but they certainly get the job done. If I had those powers, my house would be cleaned by cockroaches, possums, and the occasional armadillo - and Dave, for once, would earn his keep in cat food. I might go out and buy a new toothbrush, though.

A few months ago my boss asked if I had seen that movie, and remarked that the Disney-princess character reminded her of me. And I can sing, sort of - so it's rather enchanting (so to speak) to fantasize about being able to summon hordes of friendly neighborhood creatures to do my bidding, or kick off a fully-choreographed musical number without notice.

I'm flattered at the comparison. The princess is very pretty. But she's much more flat-chested.