Friday, April 04, 2008

Non-Verbal Communication

Ladies! How many times has this happened to you?

You're in a relationship (or some equivalent thereof), and you've become worried about it. You're picking up subtle (or not so subtle) clues from your significant (or not so significant) other that he's losing interest. And it's hard not to jump on it. He's not calling you as often, or he doesn't seem as attentive when you're together, or whatever. And you freak a little bit. Doesn't matter if you aren't into him either: rejection is all that matters, and it's horrifying. Rejection by someone you don't consider to be good enough for you is the worst. Because what does that say about you?!?

So you ask him, hey, what's going on? Are you upset with me? Did I do anything wrong? What's the matter?

Of course not, he tells you (without exasperation if he's nice). Everything's fine. You worry too much. You read way too much into things.

But when it turns out you were right, you don't get any satisfaction out of "I told you so." He still won't believe you really picked up anything. It's Cassandra's curse, isn't it? You catch cues so subtle that your partner - probably a decent enough, honorable enough guy, don't get me wrong - can't imagine, even when confronted with clear evidence to the contrary, that he was giving them off at all. Even when you're right he thinks you're not; he himself would not notice these signs, and it doesn't occur to him that someone else might. Rational people (e.g., he and his football buddies) would never notice such signals, and you - my girl, you are told to believe, and you do! that you're a typical, overreacting, hysterical female.

A real bastard will cite your insecurity as the reason for dumping you.

Years and miles in the past, these things rankle like nothing else I can think of. This is not to be confused with that "Men Are from Mars" bullshit. People are people. I just don't see why they can't be honest with each other.

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At April 09, 2008 8:45 PM, Anonymous Jamie said...

I know this is going to be mark me as being male but...

In the case of the guy "you don't consider to be good enough for you"...why, how do i put this...

Dump him?

Never understood that.

(Nice blog, I subscribed actually a long time ago, but have been only skimming, never commenting.)


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