Sunday, September 30, 2007

Mixed Feelings

Coming home ought to be a happier experience. Can I go back now? Not that I really want to. I still love Austin.

The kids are fine. The cats are fine. This is the important part. My plants don't look so good; I may take the worst-looking one to work, where I hope I can nurse it back to health. Did I take that much active care of them during the week? I guess I must have. But I haven't had the invalid for long; chances are it just doesn't have much tolerance for heat. It'll probably be happier in a cool, fluorescent-lighted environment, if it survives.

The real bummer is that my bike got stolen. Eric used it for school while I was gone, and it's possible he may have left it unlocked, but I wouldn't accuse him of it; all I had was a cable lock and you can get through those easily enough with a pair of bolt-cutters. Whenever I get a replacement, I'll keep it in back, where you can't see it from the street. Still, I'm kind of down about it. They're just things, but they add up: iPod, cell phone, bike. And I get to feeling like I can't have anything nice that won't be taken away. Which is just petulant: apparently I need to be more careful, huh?

I don't know when it happened: no one noticed it missing till I was getting out of the car yesterday, coming back from the airport, and said, "Hey - where's my bike?!"

And the saddest part - though I feel like a pig for making a big deal of it - is that nobody here was all that happy to see me. No, I lie: Anna really did miss me. Katie is glad to see me. (Eric's at his grandma's.) That should be enough, shouldn't it? I'm just greedy. But it seems hard to leave a place of peace, serenity, and order, where I feel so cherished, where some of the people I love most in the world are really sorry to see me go, and come home to a noisy, chaotic mess where I don't really feel all that welcome. That's life, I guess, but does it have to be?

I'll be glad to go back to work tomorrow. How sad is that?!



At September 30, 2007 10:15 PM, Blogger Cheryl's BITCH! said...

darlin, you know I am tickled ppink to have you back in AUS. I think you and I need to find a weekend and take a trip together. How about maybe LA? I dont think Joel wants to go and I need someone fun with me.

At October 02, 2007 4:53 PM, Anonymous deb said...

It's called divorce.

This is the saddest post I have read of yours ever.

What's happened to you? You sound so disappointed with your life.

Why would you write this on the internet?

At October 03, 2007 6:48 AM, Blogger Beth said...

Because it's my blog, and it was what I felt like writing, and frankly it hadn't occurred to me to tailor my thoughts and feelings and expressions to produce only things Debby might find pleasant to read.

The nerve.

At October 03, 2007 8:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At October 03, 2007 8:56 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Thanks, but let's not start THAT. :P

At October 04, 2007 6:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

psssh! ;-)


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