Exceed Your Cat's Expectations

This elegant box arrived in the mail today:

"Indulge your cherished cat's every desire," gushes the copy accompanying this sumptuously packaged sample of Fancy Feast (a subsidiary of Nestle), which goes on to elaborate on their new line of entrees "inspired by the menus of the world's finest restaurants."

Remind me never to eat in any of those places.

The free sample is timely, because we're fresh out of canned cat food. Slappy White and Bingo don't really care, but Romeo follows me around whining, and Peachy makes it abundantly clear that my ankles have a higher meat content than her dry food does. But I do find it a bit worrisome. "Exceed your cat's expectations"? I really don't know if that's a very good idea. I mean, on the one hand, my cats' expectations are fairly low, inasmuch as their brains are very small and rattle around in their heads when they kick themselves in the ear, so they're not terribly strong on anticipating the future.

But on the other hand, Peachy's had some fairly expensive tastes ever since she had gastric surgery four years ago (it's almost paid off now!) and we had to coax her appetite back to normal with what we refer to as "stinky food." Her appetite did get back to "normal" pretty quickly. In fact, even now, her appetite continues to grow more "normal" every day. Come to think of it, maybe she's not all that stupid; or maybe instead of thinking with her brain - which as mentioned above is small and rattly - she thinks with her belly, which is plush and quite ample.

Still, the canned food we're spoiling her with is just the cheapo store brand, not the "one-of-a-kind souffles, delicate florentines and savory shredded fare made with premium ingredients" that Fancy Feast is offering in their "never-ending quest to give your feline more to favor."

God, I wish I could be that passionate about what I do for a living. Maybe they need a new copywriter! I wonder if their employees get free cat food?