Martinis Add Up Fast

Okay. Say you drink three martinis at break, and break lasts fifteen minutes and you go twice a day, right? That's six martinis a day. But if you're drinking martinis at break, you can't very well not have them at lunch; and an hour's lunch break, being four times as long as a fifteen-minute break, entails drinking twelve martinis. Say you have another fifteen at dinner - otherwise you'll just run out of steam - and of course, you really should have one or two at breakfast to warm up. So you drink approximately 35 martinis a day, more if you like a nightcap before bed.

What? It's good for you. Puts hair on your chest.

The reason I bring this up (in case you thought it was completely random) is that, riding back from lunch in my boss' car this afternoon, I saw Andrew waiting to cross South Congress. Andrew used to work in my agency, and though he's long since left, the building where he works now is only about a quarter of a mile away. "Oh my gosh!" I shouted, waving frantically out the car window, "it's Andrew! Hey! Andrew!"

He didn't see me, but my boss' curiosity was piqued. "We used to work together," I explained, "but he left quite a while ago. He's one of the members of the three-martini break group."

"Three-martini break group?!" exclaimed my boss, somewhat alarmed, because this isn't in my job description.

"Well, I don't take three-martini breaks now," I added hastily, "being busy and all. And there were about ten of us back in those days, and now there are only two, so between us we really only get in a few sips."

"I see," she said.

Well, of course she really didn't, but I think if I present the statistics above for her consideration, she might give me a raise. I'll obviously need it to be able to pay my gin bill.