A Better Place

Robbie and I visited the third floor of our building today. I never have, but he's been there several times before; there's a special, "secret" restroom, whose mysteries were revealed to him by 3 Martini Break Group alumni Justin and Tony. Nobody else on our floor, the second floor, the "middle" floor, seems to be familiar with it.

Come to think of it, apparently nobody on the third floor is either, which is what gives the place its special allure. It's a haven of peace and tranquility for your most secret activities, boys!

I stayed outside, myself.

I was sorry there were no fountains, trees, flowers, or chirping birds up there. The overhead light fixtures did contain a fairly alarming concentration of dead crickets, but I think that's just because the cleaning staff haven't yet been tipped off to the third floor's existence.

Moreover, I think it was pretty natural to assume that the third floor would be entirely populated by tuxedo- and evening-gown-clad socialites wearing top hats and monocles and opera-length gloves. Yet the whole time I was up there, I saw one guy in business casual and a couple of women in jeans. However, I did see a nondescript door labeled "Authorized Personnel Only - Roof Access," which was locked. Oh, as if that weren't a complete giveaway! Obviously, the hoi polloi are all up there making witty banter over Dom Perignon in the roof garden. You know there's not a one of them wearing white shoes after Labor Day, either.

So anyway, that was one great adventure for the day. For the second, I made an attempt - which I know will particularly please Billy, and Justin, and Sara - to recruit a break group member from the new hires in Mapping. I'd seen these guys around for a while. Today I bumped into one in the kitchen, so I introduced myself, and breathlessly explained that, even though his work group and my work group are sworn enemies, we secretly go on break together twice a day at 9:45 and 2:45 down at the picnic tables, so it was really important that he and his fellow new hires come down sometime.

He seemed unconvinced, possibly even a little alarmed. So, just to clarify things, when I got back to my desk I emailed him the 3 Martini Break Group Official Application Form.

Amazingly, there was no response from him by the end of the day. Who would dare turn down an invitation to join the 3 Martini Break Group?! Inconceivable!! I was slightly piqued. So I considered following up by firing him with Tony's WTF citation form, but it occurred to me that (1) having no idea who I was, he might come to think I was really just indescribably weird, and (2) since he hadn't mentioned his last name when he introduced himself, it was possible I was sending these emails to some random stranger, in which case firing the guy would hardly improve matters.

I need to be more careful at work. If I go around terrifying the new hires and issuing threats to complete strangers, I'll never get invited to the cool party on the roof garden.