The Suggestion Box

My employer has a suggestion box inside the major entrances, with blank forms in a holder nearby. Once a quarter, they publish an internal newsletter, where they print several of the suggestions along with an explanation from the relevant department of why they will not be implemented.

I would like to make some suggestions.

First off, most large employers have a company picnic in the summer and a holiday party in the winter. We can't do this, being a taxpayer-funded state agency: instead, we have smaller, department-wide festivities now and then, which are paid for by money raised from employees by an "activities committee" (or occasionally by somewhat more questionable means). This is not as good.

I think we should implement a formula where we calculate how much money we waste in taxpayer money each year. Then we should budget, say, 3% of those funds and set them aside for a really lavish annual picnic and ritzy holiday gala. There'd be plenty! I'll be sure to submit that idea.

We also really need a talent show. Just last week, one of my male coworkers was in a stall in a little-frequented restroom, and another fellow came in to have a wee at one of the urinals. Believing himself (or so I would assume!) to be alone, the guy whistled "Menomena" (of Muppets, and now Dr. Pepper commercial fame) while performing his business transaction, breaking wind in perfect time at the end of each measure!!!

I swear to you. I mean, I wasn't there, but my coworker was, and I consider him a reliable source. This really happened. Can you deny that this is talent? Should we not have a talent show?

Maybe we could also incorporate work-related competitions into the show. A smoke-off, perhaps. Many of our long-time employees are champion smokers. And a fashion show! And perhaps a contest to see who can fall asleep the most quickly, although I have to warn you, I have a bit of insider info and will clean up on the betting.

Really, the possibilities are endless, so remind me to grab a suggestion form on the way to my desk tomorrow. I can't wait to see my ideas summarily dismissed in next quarter's newsletter!