Pop Quiz

I did mention there'd be a pop quiz, didn't I?

1. Apple is to schoolteacher as ___________ is to police officer:
a) Nightstick
b) Steve Guttenberg
c) Doughnut
d) All of the above blended into a protein shake

2. Explain the political and economic factors leading up to the 1982 invasion of the Falkland Islands. Use no adjectives.

3. Which of the following cannot be obtained at a Super Wal-Mart?
a) Birth control
b) Heavy artillery
c) Crustless white bread
d) A wineglass rack

4. What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor, ear-lye in the morning?

5. What is your favorite color?
a) Pink
b) Blue
c) Yellow. No, blAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!
d) Spam

6. Lucinda Williams
a) True
b) False

7. According to Miss Manners, what is the proper thing to say after passing wind in company?
a) "Excuse me."
b) "Who's been feeding the dog Tex-Mex again?"
c) Nothing at all.
d) "I thought I told that asshole to shut up!"

8. Marshmallow
a) A tasty confection
b) A disgusting, sugary blob of gelatinous goo whose sole function is to be tortured to a fiery death

9. Corpus Christi is to Austin as ____________ is to classical Athens
a) Sparta
b) the human armpit
c) Lincoln, Nebraska
d) Graham Central Station

10. What band is playing on my stereo right now?

I certainly hope you've all been studying.