Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Pop Quiz

I did mention there'd be a pop quiz, didn't I?

1. Apple is to schoolteacher as ___________ is to police officer:
a) Nightstick
b) Steve Guttenberg
c) Doughnut
d) All of the above blended into a protein shake

2. Explain the political and economic factors leading up to the 1982 invasion of the Falkland Islands. Use no adjectives.

3. Which of the following cannot be obtained at a Super Wal-Mart?
a) Birth control
b) Heavy artillery
c) Crustless white bread
d) A wineglass rack

4. What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor, ear-lye in the morning?

5. What is your favorite color?
a) Pink
b) Blue
d) Spam

6. Lucinda Williams
a) True
b) False

7. According to Miss Manners, what is the proper thing to say after passing wind in company?
a) "Excuse me."
b) "Who's been feeding the dog Tex-Mex again?"
c) Nothing at all.
d) "I thought I told that asshole to shut up!"

8. Marshmallow
a) A tasty confection
b) A disgusting, sugary blob of gelatinous goo whose sole function is to be tortured to a fiery death

9. Corpus Christi is to Austin as ____________ is to classical Athens
a) Sparta
b) the human armpit
c) Lincoln, Nebraska
d) Graham Central Station

10. What band is playing on my stereo right now?

I certainly hope you've all been studying.


At March 28, 2006 11:52 PM, Blogger Bill D said...

Damn! I forgot to study!

At March 29, 2006 6:02 AM, Blogger Bainwen Gilrana said...

1. D. Because I would like to see how Steve Guttenberg and a doughnut would blend together.

2. Boorishness

3. A. Stupid Wal-Mart.

4. Well, this depends on two factors.
(a) Am I also drunk?
(b) Is he hot?

5. C.

6. C. Some of the above.

7. D. At least that's what Miss Manners would say in private.

8. C. Both of the above. They're so gooey and gross, but oh, if they are charred and squeezed between chocolate and graham cracker...

9. B. And no deodorant is involved.

10. I think it's probably a rubber band.

At March 29, 2006 8:20 AM, Blogger Bill D said...

I'm gonna cheat off of Minstrel's answers.


Post a Comment

<< Home