Life Imitates Kentucky Fried Movie

Do you watch local news?

I'm sitting in a Comfort Suites in Houston; and while not completely defenseless - I am armed with a laptop, a copy of Jack Kerouac's "On the Road," and - in the event of a particularly dire emergency - a choice between the Yellow Pages or the Gideon Bible - I still managed to pick up a two-minute local TV news brief, with an attractive female news anchor who missed her calling on the silver screen. In the 30's. Acting just ain't what it used to be.

"A neighborhood already wracked by crime was shocked when a man was shot in broad daylight in his car outside his home," she informs us in dire tones; the camera cuts to a statement by a tearful neighbor. "And in other news, in a tragic shooting, two children are dead." She goes on without pausing or altering her tone. "Add drywall to the list of hidden dangers that lurk in your home."

I can't help noticing that this hotel room has a fairly high concentration of drywall. Maybe I better start reading that Gideon Bible after all.